I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. I don’t have an iPad.ĭon’t tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon. My neighbors are listening to great music. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button. Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.Īccording to my mirror I am pregnant. I mean, these days it’s easy to have 1,500 friends that you’ve never met before.
Oh, you’re popular on Facebook? That’s cool. People who smile while they are alone used to be called insane until we invented smartphones and social media. The only reason why 30 guys liked your picture is that they can see right down your shirt. May You Need : Funny Jokes for Facebook Post This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 30 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog. If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook. I might as well call you Google because you have everything that I am looking for. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. If your relationship status says, “It’s complicated” then you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “Single”. We all know you’re doing it for attention and we all know that you’ll be back! Quitting Facebook is the new adult version of running away from home. Save a boyfriend for a rainy day – and another, in case it doesn’t rain. I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven’t pooped it out yet. If you ever get an email about pork, ham, salt, and preservatives, don’t open it. Need something cool to say because you just slipped and fell? “Yep, gravity still works!” They say every piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by 2 minutes. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.Īlcohol! Because no great story started with someone eating a salad. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. I’m going to open a new Facebook account named ‘Anonymous’ so all the cool quotes will be attributed to me!Ĭome over to the dark side…we’ve got candy.ĭon’t worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. I’d really post your name here every minute if Facebook keeps on asking me what’s on my mind. You spend all day staring at walls and getting poked by people you don’t know. I know what you’re doing right now… You’re reading on my wall, Right!įacebook is kind of like a prison. If you send me a friend request on Facebook and your profile picture is a car, I will assume you’re a transformer. The slogan will be: “Viagra Rises, Niagra Falls!Īdding you as my friend doesn’t mean I like you, I did it just to increase my friend list. I’m going to invent a new pill called Niagra that stops erections. I’m wondering why logging onto Facebook has become a part of the everyday routine?… Do I really have nothing better to do! Never challenge a guy to an arm-wrestling match who’s been single for more than 6 months.
Most funny pages on facebook free#
In modern politics, even the leader of the free world needs help from the sultan of Facebookistan.ĭelete me, Poke me, Like me, Limit me … The choice is yours … Welcome to Facebook, where no one is really your friend. So when I see someone post something stupid I can like it, and it will say ‘Nobody Likes This’. I want to make my name on Facebook ‘Nobody’. Nerd flirting: I wish I could select all of your clothes and press delete. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back.
Worst transformer ever.Ī cookie a day keeps the sadness away. I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. But why talk about it when we can show you a selection of the funniest examples? Enjoy:ĭonna has a burning question that she desperately needs an answer to.Children in the back seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat cause children!įirst rule of Sundays: If you can’t reach it from your couch, you don’t need it. One of the funniest and most prolific of these groups is “ Please show to Jim ! ! HA ! ! HA ! !”, a secret group with 155,000 members (and rising), where members share sweet, endearing and downright hilarious social media posts by confused family members (often older people, but not exclusively) who don’t quite understand the complex, subtle world of online communication. Recent months have seen a wide range of surreal, witty, leftfield groups spring up on the site, with names like “ Is This How You Flirt?” (where people share their terrible attempts at online dating chat-up lines) and “ and then everyone stood up and clapped,” a group for stories that people have clearly made up. Good news, everyone: Facebook is no longer an endless stream of all all-caps updates by UKIP supporters interspersed with photos of your friend’s new baby.
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